I once dreamed of you, many years ago on a crisp fall day. I wasn’t more than nineteen years old and I had fallen asleep on the living room couch as the sun streamed in, catching the dust particles in the afternoon light, dancing and moving against and with one another. I remember my first … More To the children I will never have:
I was twenty-one when I first moved away from home for a semester of college. It might seem late to some but for a young girl with no direction in life, depressed and suffering with anxiety and undiagnosed PTSD from childhood sexual abuse she had yet to disclose to anyone, this was a huge deal. … More “Get out of the van, Mia; Keep going.” – A 24 mile life lesson about not giving up.
“How many pregnancies have you had total?” the technician asked as lightly as if she had asked about the weather. I wasn’t prepared for that question. It wasn’t the question I normally get from medical personal; that of, “Are you now or have you ever been pregnant?” That is the question I am prepared … More The unbearable pain of Motherhood.
I chose this picture for two reasons: I feel beautiful in it and my beauty isn’t taken away because of what happened to me as described in this post; and second, I wanted to be smiling and looking straight at those who might read this – I am not ashamed. **************************************************************** “It’s not what I … More Talking about hard things: childhood sexual abuse.
I grieve dreams. I grieve hope. I grieve for innocence and isolation. All that I grieve came rushing back to me recently. I was at my parent’s home and my mother wanted some help going through old pictures. It started out just great, I loved seeing myself as a baby, a toddler, a feisty little … More What do you grieve?
Ok, world. Here. Is. The. Deal. To all my writer/blogger friends: the out of control numbered lists of things we should and shouldn’t be doing has gotten way out of hand. Now, saying, “The 5 things you should …” or “the 10 things you should never …” is okay enough but the proverbial line … More 26 ¼ things to NEVER say to anyone who is single … or actually to NEVER say to a single Mormon girl … or better yet, to keep this really simple, just never say these things to someone who is single AND named Mia Chard.
I hate the words “mental illness”. They somehow say to me that my brain is sick, my brain is less than your brain, and as such isn’t good enough – is defective. Others might feel differently but this is me – I am not a label and I am not ill. I believe my … More Um … Should you call me fragile?
There is nothing that I love to hate more than positive affirmations; well, that and mirror selfies … my only problem with that being that in this scenario I couldn’t get a picture of my hated positive affirmations that were taped to a mirror without falling victim to the dreaded mirror selfie. So, I … More I LOVE negative affirmations like, “I HATE positive affirmations.”
It happened again yesterday. This overwhelming sense of shame that started in my stomach and seemed to extend itself until it encompassed me whole. Even my fingertips could feel the hot, white, burning shame. It was so real and evident to me that even though I was in mid conversation with someone I had zero … More The white, hot, shame of being SINGLE